I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You're like the curious george of whores
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
