I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
