Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I will die if light touches me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
