and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
