Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
