Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
