is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
