Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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