So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
