"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
