After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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