TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
