I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
