that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
