spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
