Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
