Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
