you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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