I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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