Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
