Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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