Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
