eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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