i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
