There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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