Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She even gives head with a lisp.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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