Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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