First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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