Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
