had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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