So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
