My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
