How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
