So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
