i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
