What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
