Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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