And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
