If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
