Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
