I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
