thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
