I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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