I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
