And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
