nut hugger
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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