I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
