so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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