Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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