When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
