HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
